Last night, Charlie Sheen brought his Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat Is Not an Option Tour to downtown Toronto’s Massey Hall. Reviews of the least stylish man in Hollywood’s show ranged from ‘meh’ to ‘yawn’. “Gone was the crazy-man ranting, anti-wife chanting and profane half-baked mystic mumbo-jumbo that has characterized his performances, onstage and off, since this whole mess started,” said Rob Salem in the Toronto Star. A shadow of his former 7-gram-rock-banging self, Sheen’s sparkle is fading faster than a crack cocaine high. Russell Peters joined the Toronto leg of the ailing comic’s tour in hopes of reviving it and giving it some…what would you call it? Entertainment value? It really says a lot when the highlight of your show, which starts 25 minutes late and ends 20 minutes early, is an extended Charlie Sheen cigarette break.
However, there is a silver lining. Both stars donated their ‘hard earned’ winnings to charity with Peters contributing his money to the multiple sclerosis foundation and Sheen to alimony. It’s All Style To Me attempted to get the only question answered in a sea of media that waited for hours. Sheen and Peters paused briefly for a photo-op, refused interviews, then bolted into the Guido Pit of Hell that is – Toronto’s MUZIK Nightclub. The city’s finest sluts, strippers, and faux-hawked juice head guidos flocked, in disappointingly low numbers (isn’t Jersey Shore playing on Thursday nights?). For those that TIVO/PVRd Jersey Shore, they were rewarded handsomely with a chance to admire the starstruck Zlatko Starkovski (owner of MUZIK) hovering around a slumped, text messaging, Red Bull chugging Sheen all night like a high school groupie. Fist pump anyone? #losing